Guan and I broke off on the 31st of June 04.
i realised my feelings towards him was on off. anyone whos reading this might be wondering what happened to that gal who missed his bf to hell and thought the kiss they shared was sweet? oh. well, i don't know.. there just wasn't enough chemistry between us. i know this sounds like a cliche, but its really me not him. Hes really all nice n sweet towards me.. initailly, it was ok. gradually, after hanging together often, i started to get irritated by the things that he do, the way he talk, his habits..etc.. was i being picky and unappreciative? im not sure. i do know that he an't the one though.. this kindda things a gal will definately know u see.
My friends have gave me advices, telling me that perhaps i might be able to get used to his habits and accomodate him? that all might turn to true love down the road? i wasn't really convinced. was skeptical about what they say. for me, i thought that one shld be happily in love at least for the first 2 yrs of the relationship.. until then, perhaps quarrels may be more frequent, 3rd parties may come by, pple may change..etc. If its already all dislikes and awkwardness in the beginning, how does one continue?
I actually felt nothing when we both agreed. I knew i had hurt him once again.. but i didnt' want to keep lying to myself. while knowing that i will never be able to love him back. or shld i say i will never be able to love him the way he does? Frankly, I dont' think i wld wanna get involved in a relatinship again.. I don't think i wanna experience the pain, confusion, and dilemma that one has to go thru in the end.. i know all is part and parcel of love.. that happiness are placed in there too. however, i do not believe in happily-ever-after anymore. One will not know what might happen the next moment.. I will try to cherish whatever thats happened, given to me and love myself. hmmm.. 1st day of school tom! wish me luck pple! ciao~